We live in the Information Age, and everywhere we turn we are met with screens, computers, speakers, flashing lights, and other pieces of modern magic we call “electrical engineering”.  Of course, nothing is perfect and sometimes the hamsters running around in that little wheel inside the computer get tired and just stop. This starts an ancient invocation of computer engineering called the “blue screen of death”, which is just a fancy way to say that one of Cthulhu’s minions possessed the computer and caused it to seize up and stop working.

Our government has recently acted in very much the same way, and we’ve ignored all the symptoms.  I’m not talking about some runny nose either, where you hold a thermometer under a light bulb to prove to your parents that: yes, my temperature is 122°F, and yes, I cannot go to school today because on all accounts, I should have died 14°F ago.  I’m talking about the real deal, where the government got so sick that it just fell into a deep coma. Not only that, but all the hamsters powering the bureaucracy fell asleep, and their wheels broke off the generator crankshaft. Long story (and long medical bills) short, the government shut off.

Now, I’m not going to get into the reasons behind the shutdown, although I have my suspicions about the hooded figures entering and leaving the White House in the middle of the night, and the weird moving lights circling above the Senate building, or the Supreme Court and their… well, they haven’t done much recently, but I’m sure they’re up to something nonetheless.  My point is that we ought to just turn the government back on. Just like your home computer, sometimes a good old fashion reboot is all that’s required to repair the issue.

I went to a good friend of mine who also happens to be a State Repair Technician.  Although currently working as the website manager for a certain local paper, he is still one of the top minds in State Repair and Development.  He has solved the sluggish legislature in Britain, just by installing more RAM. He modernized China’s failing Maoist economy with his brilliant idea to overclock the processor by removing those manufacturer barriers called “human rights”.  He even dealt with Israel’s terrorism problem by installing a virus detection software, although that one’s still in the works. Anyhow, I recently asked him about the government shutdown. “Ah, that’s a simple one, really,” he said, leaning back and shrugging with nonchalance at the complex issue, “You just have to reboot the government.  Have you simply tried turning it off and back on again?”

Thanking about it, it makes sense.  I was more confused why no one had tried it yet than anything else.  However, rebooting and thus repairing the government requires actually turning it back on again.  So then, what’s the issue?

Clearly, some people got way too excited to rob some vending machines and commit some insurance fraud for free after watching The Purge, and they wanted to do the same thing by taping over the power button for Washington.  To be honest, keeping the government shut off like in The Purge would be exciting, and I know that I would break the law of gravity, or a more serious offense like eating food in the Commons. However, after the third day or so it would start to become a bit scary out and it would be nice to have some law and order returned to society.  As tempting as anarcho-capitalism might sound, walking out the door to a scene reminiscent of World War I everyday doesn’t sound like my cup of tea.

Clearly, the government shutdown is due to some minor software error in the system, and a simple reboot would fix all the issues.  It is my hypothesis that it has to do with the recent software update to House of Representatives last November, but what matters now is to turn the government back on so it can continue delivering the mail or declaring proxy wars or whatever it does.